Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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