I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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