We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
