Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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