is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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