Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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