I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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