I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
