It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We don't watch enough power rangers
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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