We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
