Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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