I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
