Plan B is the new Plan A
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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