It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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