She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
