we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Randomize
