I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
