shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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