can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
