Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
