I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
