he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
