I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
