i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
