I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
