No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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