I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
