dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
