I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
