I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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