you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
