You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
