I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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