I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
