My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
