Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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