I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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