my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
