Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
