Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
