I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
