so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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