He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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