it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
