he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
