just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
