I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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