I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
