just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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