anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
