Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
