My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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