Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
wanna go halves on a baby?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Enjoy the penises
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
