Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
