We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We need to get me chipped asap
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
