this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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