I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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