Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
