I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
