I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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