went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
