My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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