Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
