Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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