Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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