Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked