Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.