apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
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My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.