i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
