too bad you live with your parents still
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
