Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Randomize
