guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
