It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
