I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
