He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
