My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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